How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
