if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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