so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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