so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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