All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Terrible idea I love it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
