I think I am morally bankrupt
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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