PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
