Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
