Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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