In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
