In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
