just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
