just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
