just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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