yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
