I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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