her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
