He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
