I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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