I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
