My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
