my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
bring money and cleavage
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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