I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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