I am in a vortex of obligation.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
