who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
