I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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