You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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