My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
