so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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