Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
