did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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