fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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