I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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