My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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