my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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