Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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