I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Boobs speak an international language.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
