dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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