All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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