What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
