I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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