rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
