fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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