Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
