You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
