I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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