How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
