I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
