You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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