so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
