i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
