whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
