Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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