I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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