my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
