so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
