One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
