that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
