She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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