he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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