I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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