I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
