she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
