It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
