Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
