Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
