and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
