The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
