the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
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We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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