We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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