I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
