I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
