Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
